Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
