Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
