she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think i have two assholes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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