Small penises have feelings too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
