I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She bit a glass in half.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
