Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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