Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
