Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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