i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry my hands just texted you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
