T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
