Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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