is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
