Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
