you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
