Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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