Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
