Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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