ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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