Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will be naked everywhere
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
