You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
