So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
