I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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