a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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