If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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