youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
someone owes me an orgasm
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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