Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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