The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
