Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
