oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
