pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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