I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
