coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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