so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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