Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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