Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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