I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
