Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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