I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
