i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
