Having a random hookup so left but love u
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
