Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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