Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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