If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
