I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
