I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
