dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
