Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
