i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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