If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
