So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
