The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize