dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
