Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
