Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You're like the curious george of whores
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
