And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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