I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
