LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
