also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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