it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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