addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
