3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
they need to just BURY HIM!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
