I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
